::Fairy On The Moon::

you're velvet goldmine. you're sparkly and beautiful, and possibly from another world.

take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the slinkstercool community.

dawn fairy on the moon at 5/09/2004

If storm clouds were to brew above my head
and the sky were tainted with grey in 20 shades..
am i to believe that it should rain?
would i take shelter or wld i stay

If the sun were to dip behind a mountain high
and a blanket of velvet midnight cloathes the sky
Am i to believe the day is over?
wld i leave or wld i wait for the Dawn?

And if the singing birds should stop one day
and the music were to fade away
Am i to believe that i am deaf?
or wld i understand the beauty of silence

And if it grows darker as the hour creeps nearer
and if the colours merge into an inky black
Shld i believe i that have gone blind?
wld i sit in silence..
Or step out and face the world?

dawn fairy on the moon at 5/09/2004

You can be surrounded by people everyday and yet still feel incredibly Lonely
you can have a million friends and yet still feel isolated.

dawn fairy on the moon at 5/09/2004

its 3 a.m in the morning and Ive just finished two H-U-G-E Mrs Fields Brownies..
Rocky Road and Double choc..
sinful..and indulgent..better get those dancing shoes out soon..hahaha

I was reading my diary...and i suddenly thought of Lynn. Lynn Lynn Lynn...where are you now girl?
its been so long since i have heard from you. I know you will never see this..but it dosen't matter. I still got those old letters u sent..and those crappy notes. Lynn..Lynn Lynn...haiz.. I miss you so very much girl!

Always a pillar of strength when i was weak
Always a listening ear
always a shoulder to cry on
Always one i can trust
Always the one i run too.. ( even abt the smallest things..pimples and all!!!)
Always the one i love to have fun with
Always so crazy and funky..

Haiz..and every since u left Singapore..i have been missing you.
i wonder how you are. i Wonder where you are.
And you hardly even come back to singapore..i think the last time i saw u was a year ago wen u had a break..
den u flew off again
and then miles and miles away you are..
haiz
In the past you were only a phone call away..and now ure so far away girl! How??
who am i to grouse to and whine to?

You have alwaes been one of the few i actually trust most
Actually bared my soul to,
confide to...
and you saw me for who i was
and loved me for who i was.
U didnt see me for the ugly girl i thought i was..
but u saw me as a beautiful person.
haiz.
i miss you so much!
Come back already!!! haha..
Oh well..wad am i saying this for? you will never hear it

dawn fairy on the moon at 5/09/2004

Monday, May 03, 2004

You know how it is.
How when i speak.. sometimes i used images. I used symbols. i used metaphors. Not because i am trying to go round in circles. Not because i am evasive. Not because i fear to speak the truth. No.
Only because i speak the truth in a different way
does not make it any less then the truth.
Sometimes u need to save someone else the pain
We live in society.
We need to be constantly aware.
and i know.
Because i once didnt know and paid dearly for it

i wanted to solve the problem too.
But it was the wrong timing altogether.
You cannot confront me this way all of a sudden and expect me to have a response.
i was patient
and i was tolerant.
Not because i did not want to solve the problem
Not because i did not want to speak the truth
But because it was for the best for everyone

Should i get angry..to lose my temper. to flare up..and ruin everyone's fun?
No. Sometimes u need to contain your pain until to eats u up inside.
Not because i like it
Because i have to.
It was the wrong place
it was improper.
It was a place for everyone to have fun.
But things had to turn out to strained and awkward.
Its funny how one can play Mahjong. Talk. and yet struggle to keep Her tears and the Pain inside
Multi-tasker.

Why do u say i am trying to avoid this?
Do you even know me?
Because You dont. You don't. You don't.
How can u say i am wrong.
When i just wanted to avoid greater conflict?
i did not want to make the people around us unhappy and miserable.
The world does not revolve around the two of us.
We cannot expect everyone to be dragged into our problems, even if we r all friends.
Even if we have a problem. No one else has to be involved.
see?
its The way i handle problems
I like it..
more subtle.
I don't like alot of people involved.
Then its not called HANDLING.
Because sometimes it makes the problem bigger.
And when there's a problem between us...
i get unhappy when everyone else knows.
Because i prefer it "behind closed doors".
if you know what i mean.

And i could see the pain of the people around us.
How can it get better when everyone was feeling so..

unahppy?
How could somethiong between us have spread like a virus and hit the people around us.
For sometimes if u really love the people around you.
You need to start thinking about them
Instead of Me.
Instead of You.
instead of Us.
This is a delicate situation. It has to be handled with care. And not rashly.
Its like a egg...fragile

and once you make a crack..
everything else just flows out together .
you can't put it all back in the shell again ...you see?
U handle a situation impulsively..thoughtlessly..rashly..and u pay the price
I know it.
I have paid one time too many.

I am not angry
Not at all.
And even the pain of that night has slowly flowed out from my veins.

Oh..but don't keep telling me u wanna see the real me.
Because its already in front of you.
If you stop insisting on seeing the real me..
and just Look.
Maybe u might actually understand its there. All along.
It may not be real to you
But what is real anyway?
what is the truth?
this is as real to me as it gets.

How do u expect me to show you the "real me"?
How do u want to "get to know me better"?

If you Just keep saying this ..but don't try
Then you will never.
It's like standing outside an open door and knocking on it..
and yelling out for the person to open up and give you the keys
There wasn't a need.
You have a desire to know someone
But it's not easy.
You fight your way through thorns and hedges and thick nasty bushes
and walls.
and more thorns and thick trees.
and walls again
then you climb up the stairs to the towers
and you reach the end
But you don't see sleeping beauty or the princess lying there
You see nothing
You get nothing.
But its not difficult really
Its not complicated.
because even if there are walls.
These are delicate ones.

You said You have pre-conceived notions about me
But then how would u expect to get to know me better?
You say only if you get to know me better..then those pre-conceived notions will fade away
Let me tell you
If you are biased towards someone..you will only see someone the way YOU want to see the person
And not the way it really is.

Its like wearing a pair of spectacles that are spolit
And complaining that everything you see around you looks strange
But what if you took out your spectacles?
would You not see something different?

Its like Putting a drop of blue ink into a pitcher of water
and watching the blue creep into the water
Till the whole pitcher of water becomes Blue.
Its only one drop.
But it makes the whole pitcher change

It's like putting on a pair of too-tight shoes..
and walking.
..and complaining the journey is a painful..tiring one.
If you changed your shoes.
Maybe your perception of the Journey would be a different one.

Its like blindfolding Yourself
and saying you can't see

Its like putting salt in your ice cream
and asking why its too salty.
No doubt It would lose it's taste.

dawn fairy on the moon at 5/03/2004